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General Mental Health

Why You Should NEVER Ask A Woman If She Is Pregnant!

I’ve made a couple of posts on my social media channels lately but nobody seems to be listening. The message is being forgotten and lost so I thought I would try and reach an bigger audience.

I’m going to explain why you should NEVER ask a woman, if she is pregnant, when she is due, how many weeks she is or if she’s planning on anymore children.

I’ve been asked twice in the last month if I’m pregnant and then this week I was asked how many weeks I am. Both times have been by people who I don’t really speak with and it made me cry both times. I am aware they are just being nosey and mean no harm but in all honesty it’s NONE of their business.

You shouldn’t ask people even if you are 99% sure as you have no idea what is going on in the background.

I lost our baby at 8 weeks so it was before I was showing, before I was telling anyone outside of close family and to be honest it wasn’t anybody’s business. I didn’t want to talk about it at first and I struggled to talk about it but every time I’m asked if I’m pregnant then I’m faced with having to tell the truth and deal with the pain again.

I haven’t had to experience direct grief a lot in my life, I’ve been lucky I suppose you would say in that respect. Grief after loosing a child you never got to meet is a different type of grief. Most women tend to experience a roller coaster of emotions such as numbness, disbelief, anger, guilt, sadness, depression and difficulty when trying to concentrate. It can cause anxiety and fear for trying again. It can cause a range of emotions and unless you have been in that situation you wouldn’t understand.

speech bubble saying we lost the baby and then dot dot dot under it

Even when the pregnancy ends early, the sense of bonding as soon as a woman finds out their pregnant is strong and that sudden lost is hard. Imagine dealing with all those feelings, the pain that comes with it and that sense of lost and then someone who is basically a stranger to you asks when your due. The crippling pain it brings as soon as those words are utter is heartbreaking. It’s been four months since my miscarriage and it feels like yesterday when I’m asked.

It is painful enough telling family and the few people you have told previously, let alone having to tell a stranger that your baby has died. 

So what I am asking of you is that you just don’t ask.

Wait for the person to tell you to your face, don’t listen to rumours, hear say or assume. It causes you embarrassment and causes the person pain.

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