I always end up writing an end of year blog post but this time it is also the end of the 2010’s. We are soon to enter the roaring 20’s and this has lead to reflection on the last 10 years. I have written this post and deleted it a few times now as it just hasn’t come out right but let’s try again.
In the last 10 years I have completed secondary school and left with some decent GCSES, completed college and got myself a BTEC in performing arts *useless but still accepted* and I attempted university.
I also became a mum and I would say that in the last 10 years that is my biggest accomplishment. I became a mum to Ethan at 19 and the last 7 years have seriously been a roller coaster of emotion, growth and life lessons.
I started my blog back in 2010 when it was a single mum dating blog but I never really took it all that seriously until the start of 2019. New Years Eve was like any other but I sat and I wrote out my thoughts and feelings and realised that it felt good to write. It felt good not to just write about being a single mum but about feelings and thoughts and reflections on the year that has just passed.
I now use my blog as a type of offloading and a type of therapy I guess. When you write something and people can relate it makes you realise you arent alone and then it sparks conversations. This year has seen me talk about my teenage abortion, my battle with my mental health, all of the parenting fears and my battles with relationships both with friends, family and partners. It also saw me come as bi sexual to my family and finally get it off my chest after 11 years.
The last three months of 2019 though I have been quiet on here and also on my social media. It hasn’t gone unnoticed by friends, family and my social media family and I just haven’t had the motivation at all to pick up my laptop and type. Every time I have tried I ended up deleting it as it just felt forced, but tonight it felt right as the year comes to an end that I wrote my final blog for 2019. I have always said that my blog will be honest and that is why it has to be from the heart.
2019 has ended on a sad note for me as unfortunately I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and it wasn’t straight forward. It has left me with a lot of sadness, a lot of anger and a feeling of emptiness and it is safe to say that i’m struggling with my mental health now more than before hence why I have been quiet. No matter what I wrote it just seemed wrong but i’m going to go into 2020 reminding myself that it is ok not to be ok.
I am incredibly lucky to have support from my friends and my partner but I also found a lot of support from The Miscarriage Association and I will be trying to raise funds for them in 2020 as they are an amazing organisation.
2019 has taught me that you can’t pour from an empty cup and that talking and asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It has opened my eyes this year to a lot of pain and loss and just how important it is to check in on the people around you. I wouldn’t of got through this year without my friends and my support network and I love them for everything they have done for me especially in the last few months.
2020 is going to be the year that I do more for my own mental health and the year that Ethan and I make a lot of memories. We did make our fair share of memories in 2019 but 2020 is going to be even better. My partner and I have decided that 2020 is going to be a drama free year and we have agreed that it is going to be the start of a brilliant decade.
I don’t do new years resolutions anymore because I believe they are a waste of time and every year I break them by the second week of January but this year I am going to be happy.
2019 you taught me a lot of lessons and you brought me a lot of heartbreak so how about 2020 we start off on the right foot and we bring a year of joy?
Happy New Year Everyone.
Here is to the roaring 20’s once again.