Being a parent hasn’t been easy and Ethan and Ezra won’t ever understand that until they become a parent themselves. Being a single parent is hard and it’s not just a step I took, it was a leap and I have never regretted it. I want them to be a better man than one I’ve ever dated. Not that they were all bad but I still think we can do better. I want them to be a better man than my dad and that’s a bloody hard thing to do. Here we go a letter of lessons to my sons…..
Always Love With All Your Heart And Soul.
Love with all your heart and willing.
Take anyone want you want on a date but always make an effort and most of all make sure you enjoy yourself.
Take this one from your old mum, never settle for less than laughter and happiness. The person who gives you butterflies might feel like the right one but they aren’t. It is the person who brings you content and comfort and someone who on bad days will hug you and you feel content. The right person should never make you feel worthless and like you don’t belong.
Never let anyone tell you it’s weak to love, please love with an open heart. It makes you who you are. My heart has been broken many times over the years but if your dad hadn’t come into my life then I wouldn’t of had you. I also wouldn’t of learnt that life doesn’t end when your relationship finishes and without you in my life, it wouldn’t of made me who I am today.
No Means No Everytime.
It really is as simple as that.
If your partner says no then listen.
If your friends say no then listen and if you want to say no then say no.
Never force anyone to do anything, be it kiss, sex, drink, smoke or jump out of a plane.
No means no.
Cry When You Need Too.
Do not be afraid to cry.
You can cry whenever you want over anything you want, it doesn’t make you less of a person.
Your dad will hate me for posting this but when you were born and in the special care unit he cried. He cried because you were so early and because he was scared, he cried because he never realised he could love someone so much as he does you.
Money Doesn’t Mean Happiness.
Money can buy many things but happiness and love isn’t one of them.
I’ve often wondered how life would be if I could buy this or if I could buy that but I know even if I could, I wouldn’t buy happiness.
As a parent you realise your child’s happiness moments comes from when they have a new £1 car and mummy to play with them or to be honest they get your amazon box. Hours of fun from a free box I’m telling you.
I may not be able to afford the luxuries of life for us but I have managed and your always fed and clothed before anything else. Never and I mean NEVER let someone make you believe your not worth it because you are dressed in Primark and not Gucci.
Laughter Is Nature’s Medicine & Free.
You need to learn how to laugh and by this I mean the proper belly laughs like what you do as a child when someone tickles you.
Usually you know you are laughing properly when you feel like you are just short of wetting yourself.
Never change my darling.
Take All The Photos and Print Them Out
I wrote this post originally when you were 4 and now at 8 you moan at me for always having the camera out but you have mastered the cheesy grin. I can imagine you groaning when you see this one on the list in years to come but listen to me and you’ll be grateful in years to come.
An example of this would be when you said “kittypatter (caterpillar)” and every parent will agree that you grow far too quick so I don’t want to miss a moment. Plus I will embarrass you with every girlfriend and birthday possible. Sorry not sorry 🙂
Dance Every time You Can
There is nothing more satisfying than dancing out a bad mood and no matter how uncoordinated you are do it anyway. Girls love a guy that doesn’t care how stupid they look when they are dancing with confidence, just don’t twerk! ( Google it )
Travel The World
I had planned to travel when I found out I was pregnant and I dropped the plans straight away because you are more important to me. I hope by the time you are a grown up I will have managed to take you away on lots of great holidays.
Go to Thailand, to Asia, to Australia, go everywhere and anywhere and don’t worry about tomorrow as it’s not guaranteed. I am writing this during the global pandemic of 2020/21 and travelling is off limits at the minute and believe me a holiday right now sounds amazing.
Nobody can give you the experience you get from travelling.
If it’s what you want to do then we will help you, I promise.
Stand Up For The Right Causes
If you see someone getting bullied please stand up for them, help them, get them help but don’t just walk on by.
Please be that person who stands up to the bully and helps the person who is being bullied.
NEVER be a bully, we did not raise you that way and I won’t raise your future brothers or sisters this way either.
Even if nobody notices I will as I’m your mum and I notice everything.
As you grew up I taught you not to lie and this means that no matter how difficult it is or the fact that you might hurt someone you need to tell the truth.
You should always tell the truth, because as the famous saying goes “what goes around comes around” and that means karma will get you if you lie.
As a parent I’ve told mini white lies, such as if the ice cream man plays his song then he is out of ice cream but you soon found out and corrected me. I also previously told you if the rides had their lights on then it meant it was broken just because I didn’t have a pound coin. They are lies that didn’t hurt anyone or cause anyone issues or trouble but please don’t lie.
As your parent you should have enough respect for me to tell me anything and the same goes for your future partner so please never lie.
Don’t Be Afraid
When you’re in your 20s take risks, don’t be stupid but take enough risks to know that you won’t regret the things you didn’t do.
Drink that extra shot on a night out with friends but of course expect to suffer a hangover.
Basically what I am saying is that one day when you’re sat at home with all your friends around you you tell your stories of those drunken nights or that concert, I don’t want you to regret it.
I want you to wish you could do it all again.
NO TO DRUGS
Despite me saying take risks please don’t take drugs, I’ve seen drugs ruin too many lives a short space of time.
I have so many hopes and dreams for you that I don’t want drugs ruining them.
They aren’t cool or the easy way to be popular, they ruin lives.
Love Yourself, You Are #1
At 22 nearly 23 I’m only just learning how to love myself and I wish I done it years ago.
This is one of the most important points to me as you cannot love someone else until you love yourself.
Learn from yourself in order to tell your kids a list of things that they should do, just like I’m doing now.
Technology Doesn’t Rule Your Life
Enjoy growing up and taking photos with a proper camera or a disposable one – not always your phone.
Don’t spend your life in front of a screen, not even for a job.
Remember to take time for yourself.
(Please wear sunscreen when outside!)
Never Cheat On Anything
Don’t cheat, not on that big test, not on a partner, not on anything.
You’re better than that and you need to honour your commitments whatever they might be.
Respect yourself enough to not have to cheat. If you are unhappy then leave, walk away, but don’t cheat.
Work hard on everything you do and you really won’t need too.
Always Keep Learning
However please never stop learning and never stop bettering yourself.
Update: I am 27 and still working towards my degree but I haven’t stopped.
Smile at everyone you see because you never know who was lost a battle with a three year old over something really silly.
A smile costs nothing and it can mean a lot to one person.
Plus you have a gorgeous smile.
Give Back When You Can
Not everything has to cost money.
You could give your time, your experience, or just listening to someone in need.
Give back can be in many forms such a random of kindness (RAK), charity work, helping a friend or just being there for someone.
I am sure you can think of a way to help people.
Cuddle Not Fight
You give the best cuddles and please never stop giving them.
Big spoon, little spoon, average spoon, I don’t care just remember men like to cuddle too.
Don’t get me wrong you can scream and shout if you have too but I think I have raised you better than to hit anybody. I do agree though that men should never hit women but I also agree that women shouldn’t hit men.
To be honest I’m just anti-fighting.
Often words can hurt more than a physical response, your tongue may not have a bone but believe me it can break many things.
Always be careful what you say when fighting and angry as it can’t always be fixed afterwards.
One day I won’t get any more of your hugs and I will miss them.
Always Be Grateful and Humble
Life isn’t easy so please be grateful for what you have.
Unfortunately some of it over the years will have cost too much money and I never had much to spare but I can promise you I always tried.
You always went to school in clean clothes with a lunch box full of nice things and you always came home to a decent dinner.
Please be grateful that I let you play outside when others were stuck in front of a TV screen because this world isn’t safe anymore and I’m grateful that I have been picked to look after you.
If you can find the good in life you get the good back.
Just make sure you always say I love you before you leave the house as life is too short.
Also always carry a little cash just in case of emergencies – your grandad always has an emergency £1-£2 just incase.
all my love now and always x
Always know that I love you and whatever choices you will make in life.
I will support you and I will never turn my back on you no matter what you choose. We may fall out if you choose spurs, and you will end up saying I hate you at some point in your life, but I know you will never mean it.
You should know through everything we have been through since you were both born I’ve always been proud of you and I will always love you. I don’t pretend I’m a perfect parent and believe me I don’t try.
I will always love you to infinity x