General Lifestyle

20 Lessons For My Sons

photo of ethan, blonde hair blue eyes and smiling in a suit at a wedding

Being a parent hasn’t been easy and Ethan and Ezra won’t ever understand that until they become a parent themselves. Being a single parent is hard and it’s not just a step I took, it was a leap and I have never regretted it. I want them to be a better man than one I’ve ever dated. Not that they were all bad but I still think we can do better. I want them to be a better man than my dad and that’s a bloody hard thing to do. Here we go a letter of lessons to my sons…..

        Always Love With All Your Heart And Soul.

ethan being held as a baby of six months by his mum, with his dad and a priest present at ethans christening

Love with all your heart and willing.

It will get broken numerous times and it took me until 28 to find someone who loved me fully and with their whole heart.

Take anyone want you want on a date but always make an effort and most of all make sure you enjoy yourself.

Take this one from your old mum, never settle for less than laughter and happiness. The person who gives you butterflies might feel like the right one but they aren’t. It is the person who brings you content and comfort and someone who on bad days will hug you and you feel content. The right person should never make you feel worthless and like you don’t belong.

Don’t think that arguments will never happen because they will and it is normal and I agree with the statement – you should never go to sleep angry.

Never let anyone tell you it’s weak to love, please love with an open heart. It makes you who you are. My heart has been broken many times over the years but if your dad hadn’t come into my life then I wouldn’t of had you. I also wouldn’t of learnt that life doesn’t end when your relationship finishes and without you in my life, it wouldn’t of made me who I am today.

No Means No Everytime.

It really is as simple as that.

If your partner says no then listen.

If your friends say no then listen and if you want to say no then say no.

Never force anyone to do anything, be it kiss, sex, drink, smoke or jump out of a plane.

No means no.

Cry When You Need Too.

Do not be afraid to cry.

I hate the praise big boys don’t cry because it’s utter rubbish and they do. Everyone cries and it doesn’t matter if it is because you fell over or because you got your heartbroken.

You can cry whenever you want over anything you want, it doesn’t make you less of a person.

Your dad will hate me for posting this but when you were born and in the special care unit he cried. He cried because you were so early and because he was scared, he cried because he never realised he could love someone so much as he does you.

Don’t be afraid to show your partner, friends, family, just how you feel and I will always be here to dry those tears.

Money Doesn’t Mean Happiness.

Money can buy many things but happiness and love isn’t one of them.

I’ve often wondered how life would be if I could buy this or if I could buy that but I know even if I could, I wouldn’t buy happiness.

As a parent you realise your child’s happiness moments comes from when they have a new £1 car and mummy to play with them or to be honest they get your amazon box. Hours of fun from a free box I’m telling you.

I may not be able to afford the luxuries of life for us but I have managed and your always fed and clothed before anything else. Never and I mean NEVER let someone make you believe your not worth it because you are dressed in Primark and not Gucci.

One serious note though – We will always help when we can but money doesn’t bring happiness, that is all down to the company you keep and the life that you lead.

Laughter Is Nature’s Medicine & Free.

You need to learn how to laugh and by this I mean the proper belly laughs like what you do as a child when someone tickles you.

Usually you know you are laughing properly when you feel like you are just short of wetting yourself.

Someone who can make you laugh is worth a thousand memories and they are worth every minute of your time. We might not have much but memories are all that we take to the grave.

You’ve brought me a thousand moments of laughter in the short amount of time you’ve been in my life and you make everyone smile when they speak to you.

Never change my darling.

Take All The Photos and Print Them Out

Shake it, Shake it like a Polaroid picture – Imagine Me singing and then go and google it.

You will hopefully take after me and your grandad and take photos of everything and anything.

I wrote this post originally when you were 4 and now at 8 you moan at me for always having the camera out but you have mastered the cheesy grin. I can imagine you groaning when you see this one on the list in years to come but listen to me and you’ll be grateful in years to come.

I have stupid amounts of photos of you and loads of photo albums of us, our adventures, and mostly just you but I know when I’m old and grey I will love them even more.

The camera captures what the memory will forget and I know you may think I’m always on that phone but 90 percent I’m taking photos of you and videos of the silly things you say.

An example of this would be when you said “kittypatter (caterpillar)” and every parent will agree that you grow far too quick so I don’t want to miss a moment. Plus I will embarrass you with every girlfriend and birthday possible. Sorry not sorry 🙂

Dance Every time You Can

I can’t dance at all and I’m pretty sure that anybody that went clubbing with me at university will agree.

There is a saying “dance like nobody is watching and dance like tomorrow never comes.” and it is true. Dance anytime you can and enjoy the moment.

There is nothing more satisfying than dancing out a bad mood and no matter how uncoordinated you are do it anyway. Girls love a guy that doesn’t care how stupid they look when they are dancing with confidence, just don’t twerk! ( Google it )

 Travel The World

I wish I had travelled more before I had you and I plan to travel more when you are a grown up. I may even tag along if you take a gap year you have been warned.

I had planned to travel when I found out I was pregnant and I dropped the plans straight away because you are more important to me. I hope by the time you are a grown up I will have managed to take you away on lots of great holidays.

Please go travelling if you wish too, don’t worry about us at home, I want you to enjoy yourself and experience everything.

Go to Thailand, to Asia, to Australia, go everywhere and anywhere and don’t worry about tomorrow as it’s not guaranteed. I am writing this during the global pandemic of 2020/21 and travelling is off limits at the minute and believe me a holiday right now sounds amazing.

Nobody can give you the experience you get from travelling.

No books, no teachers, not even mum and dad.

If it’s what you want to do then we will help you, I promise.

Stand Up For The Right Causes

If you see someone getting bullied please stand up for them, help them, get them help but don’t just walk on by.

I was bullied throughout school, college and university and nobody stood up for me. You were bullied in pre-school and nobody helped.

Please be that person who stands up to the bully and helps the person who is being bullied.

NEVER be a bully, we did not raise you that way and I won’t raise your future brothers or sisters this way either.

Stand up for whatever you believe is right be it global warming, gay rights, animal rights, whatever you want and I will stand by you because that’s a mother’s job.

Even if nobody notices I will as I’m your mum and I notice everything.

Never Lie

As you grew up I taught you not to lie and this means that no matter how difficult it is or the fact that you might hurt someone you need to tell the truth.

You should always tell the truth, because as the famous saying goes “what goes around comes around” and that means karma will get you if you lie.

As a parent I’ve told mini white lies, such as if the ice cream man plays his song then he is out of ice cream but you soon found out and corrected me. I also previously told you if the rides had their lights on then it meant it was broken just because I didn’t have a pound coin. They are lies that didn’t hurt anyone or cause anyone issues or trouble but please don’t lie.

As your parent you should have enough respect for me to tell me anything and the same goes for your future partner so please never lie.

Don’t Be Afraid 

When you’re in your 20s take risks, don’t be stupid but take enough risks to know that you won’t regret the things you didn’t do.

Drink that extra shot on a night out with friends but of course expect to suffer a hangover.

Go into the city and see a concert or a show alone and don’t be afraid of being alone.

Basically what I am saying is that one day when you’re sat at home with all your friends around you you tell your stories of those drunken nights or that concert, I don’t want you to regret it.

I want you to wish you could do it all again.

NO TO DRUGS 

Despite me saying take risks please don’t take drugs, I’ve seen drugs ruin too many lives a short space of time.

I have so many hopes and dreams for you that I don’t want drugs ruining them.

They aren’t cool or the easy way to be popular, they ruin lives.

Love Yourself, You Are #1

At 22 nearly 23 I’m only just learning how to love myself and I wish I done it years ago.

This is one of the most important points to me as you cannot love someone else until you love yourself.

Demand time for yourself, your hobbies, anything that you want to do, don’t let anyone take that time away from you.

Learn from yourself in order to tell your kids a list of things that they should do, just like I’m doing now.

Technology Doesn’t Rule Your Life

At 3 1/2 you can work out an iPad and our iPhones and you can probably take better photos than me but please don’t let technology take over your life.

Enjoy your surroundings and enjoy a book in the sunshine in the summer with a cold beer.

Enjoy growing up and taking photos with a proper camera or a disposable one – not always your phone.

Don’t spend your life in front of a screen, not even for a job.

Remember to take time for yourself.

(Please wear sunscreen when outside!)

Never Cheat On Anything

Don’t cheat, not on that big test, not on a partner, not on anything.

You’re better than that and you need to honour your commitments whatever they might be.

Respect yourself enough to not have to cheat. If you are unhappy then leave, walk away, but don’t cheat.

Work hard on everything you do and you really won’t need too.

Always Keep Learning

At 3 1/2 your learning journey is only just beginning and by 16 you will be sick to death of books and schools and teachers.

However please never stop learning and never stop bettering yourself.  

Try university and try college, if they are not for you then you can leave, I tried university and I left but your dad didn’t even try and I reckon he will regret that one day.

At 22 I never thought I would get my degree but I’m working for it even if it takes me till you are 22 I will get it to say I did it and I managed to better myself and that’s thanks to you.

Update: I am 27 and still working towards my degree but I haven’t stopped.

SMILE

ethan being silly with a smile in a suit

Smile at everyone you see because you never know who was lost a battle with a three year old over something really silly.

Some days are going to be harder than others but a smile really does help and can lift your mood. (It is proven by science to help.)

A smile costs nothing and it can mean a lot to one person.

Plus you have a gorgeous smile.

Give Back When You Can 

Not everything has to cost money.

You could give your time, your experience, or just listening to someone in need.

Listening can mean an awful lot to one person and if you’re as kind as an adult as you are as a child I know you won’t mind listening and helping everybody you meet.

Give back can be in many forms such a random of kindness (RAK), charity work, helping a friend or just being there for someone.

I am sure you can think of a way to help people.

Cuddle Not Fight

You give the best cuddles and please never stop giving them.

Big spoon, little spoon, average spoon, I don’t care just remember men like to cuddle too.

Please don’t fight, it is not two I would usually mix together – cuddling and fighting but I’ve had too much of it in my love life and I don’t want you to have the same.

Be it in friendships or in pubs, never raise your fists. You should walk away and I am sure your dad will disagree but I would rather you walk away than hurt yourself or someone else.

Don’t get me wrong you can scream and shout if you have too but I think I have raised you better than to hit anybody. I do agree though that men should never hit women but I also agree that women shouldn’t hit men.

To be honest I’m just anti-fighting.

Often words can hurt more than a physical response, your tongue may not have a bone but believe me it can break many things.

Always be careful what you say when fighting and angry as it can’t always be fixed afterwards.

One day I won’t get any more of your hugs and I will miss them.

Always Be Grateful and Humble

Life isn’t easy so please be grateful for what you have.

I’ve tried to give you the best and everything you could ever need and want.

Unfortunately some of it over the years will have cost too much money and I never had much to spare but I can promise you I always tried.

You always went to school in clean clothes with a lunch box full of nice things and you always came home to a decent dinner.

Please be grateful that I let you play outside when others were stuck in front of a TV screen because this world isn’t safe anymore and I’m grateful that I have been picked to look after you.

Don’t worry about getting dirty when playing and embrace life and everything I have given to you.

If you can find the good in life you get the good back.

You have two parents that absolutely adore you and a family that will do anything for you.

Just make sure you always say I love you before you leave the house as life is too short.

Also always carry a little cash just in case of emergencies – your grandad always has an emergency £1-£2 just incase.

all my love now and always x


Mumma x

PS.

Always know that I love you and whatever choices you will make in life.

I will support you and I will  never turn my back on you no matter what you choose. We may fall out if you choose  spurs, and you will end up saying I hate you at some point in your life, but I know you will never mean it.

You should know through everything we have been through since you were both born I’ve always been proud of you and I will always love you. I don’t pretend I’m a perfect parent and believe me I don’t try.

You both came at a time when I didn’t know where to turn and what to do and I was feeling lost and I know that you were a gift from God when I asked him what to do.

I will always love you to infinity x

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